She was surprised when he didn’t pull away from her, but Kailee didn’t push the issue. The fact that he was casually sitting there, just barely touching by a few inches of leg on leg, meant that he at least temporarily trusted her. It was a development at least. Kailee was almost afraid he’d snap and tell her it wasn’t the same, but instead he looked like this cross between relieved and sad. She wasn’t sure if she should hug him or yell at him, or neither. Honestly, she was never sure what the right move was, and sometimes she wanted a translator. But instead, she just sat there, carefully folding her hands in her lap.
"The worth is a beautiful human being who deserves to be loved just like the rest of us. Well, almost all of us." She smiled wryly. Self hatred was like a brick wall in the middle of the road. It was subtle enough, though, that if it came up in casual conversation, it slid past without most people noticing.
He wouldn’t even look at her now, and Kailee let out a small sigh. She wasn’t annoyed with him, she was just so sad that someone so sweet was without his memories and people who cared for him. There was no idea whether there was a family waiting for him to come home, a friend to miss him, a lover to hold his hand when everything got rough. She couldn’t even properly be his friend without wondering what kind of boundaries she was overstepping. Whose best friend had she taken in?
"I’m an artist, Blue." She said softly, sitting up a little. "I can create something out of nothing. I don’t see the broken record, I see pieces of a new work. You take that smashed up record, and you paint it a new color, and you glue it to a canvas, and it’s art. You take that ripped painting, and you combine it with another painting, and it’s a whole new, repurposed piece of art, better than the original." She bit her lip, reaching and touching his arm.
"You’re not useless. Useless wouldn’t be sitting with me right now." She cringed, ducking as thunder rattled the windows. "I wouldn’t have anyone else here right now."
Impossible blue eyes lifted, gaze tearing away from his lightly calloused hands to the imperfect beauty of the woman besides him. “I- I am certain we all deserve to be loved …” Castiel failed to pick up precisely on the self-hatred Kai was portraying. He did, though, realize there was something off about her earlier statement. Something just not … right. “Perhaps- perhaps there are actions we have previously done that makes everything we touch tainted. Or actions done by others that have affected us equally. And because of that, we are afraid to get close to those around us. We are afraid to let them in. And- at least I believe -we have a right to do so. After all the, uh, crap we have been through? We have a right.”
Unconsciously he knotted his fingers together, wringing his hands almost nervously; self-consciously. “But, on the same respect, we have the right to let in those others. To stop cringing away from their every touch. To show them trust and love. Because all they want to do is the same. And everyone, everyone, deserves to be loved.” As he finished his sentence, the words dying down with each passing moment until they were barely a whisper in the air between the pair, his eyes fluttered up briefly to meet Kailee’s. There was a sort of furious note to the sad gaze he shot to her. A fire burned deep within him, a drive to do what’s right and to make the occasional sacrifice for the world.
Listening to her speak about being an artist, about recreating pieces of pure beauty out of nothing more than a mere broken item really opened Castiel’s view on himself. He wasn’t just some broken piece of trash sitting on the curbside, waiting for the day the garbage collector comes around and finally turns out his lights. No, he was clay- putty -in the hands of the world and in the hands of everyone he meets. And hopefully, just hopefully, he’ll meet someone who knows how to work that clay into something wonderful- into something that will showcase the amazing qualities it held within.
And perhaps … He already met her.
As her hand rested on the amnesiac’s arm, he didn’t cringe away. In fact, he reached out and cupped her’s with his own two hands, drawing a soft circle on the side of her palm with his thumb. As the thunder rolled through, he gave it a light squeeze, a smile playing across his lips as he stared into her flawless hues. “Kailee … you’re not useless, either. For I- I think-” It took him a moment to swallow past the lump that had formed in his throat. “I know you saved me.”